This post is about two subjects that although can be talked about separately, can be closely intertwined, which is why I am addressing both together.
We noticed early on in Ryan’s life that if he had too much down time, it would create a vortex of him spinning out of control. By this I mean him turning into either being completely unmotivated, so that he couldn’t do anything, or being so full of anxiety that any little thing could throw him into an emotional meltdown. If there was nothing to do, or nothing on his schedule, he literally became a couch potato ready to explode like a potato that has cooked too long in a microwave. . Most of us relish having nothing to do after a day or week of crazy business. We can fill our time with whatever we want and then turn ourselves back on when it’s time to get back to work or whatever event or task we need to accomplish.
But for Ryan, having too much time on his hands was and still is a recipe for a bit of disaster. Having “plenty of time” has meant that things don’t get accomplished when they should. Because guess what? Those procrastination bugs come out in droves and get in the head, cause Ryan to shut his brain off and then he’s doing a bunch of nothing. Playing video games, not getting out of the house, not doing his homework, not cleaning. In other words, time disappears.
In middle school and high school, when Ryan was at his busiest, and his schedule was full, he was the most successful. Don’t misunderstand, he wasn’t over scheduled. I talk about that in another post. But he was scheduled enough so that the downtime he had was built into his life in a way that school and outside interests were.
Using a physical calendar and writing everything in it, including downtime, has always been the best way to manage Ryan’s schedule. Not knowing what he’s doing or where he’s going removes the anxiety of not knowing what’s happening. And when I say everything, I mean, class time, work out time, homework time, study time, work time, meeting up time with friends, and downtime. If there’s workout time on a specific day, the specific time is written down. If he’s going to play video games, a specific amount of time is written in the calendar.
This may seem a bit extreme, but we (Ryan, me, his dad, his sister) have seen over and over again, when the calendar goes by the wayside, Ryan’s life goes by the wayside. And if he doesn’t have enough to do, he gets around to doing nothing. But when he has a schedule written out, he’s so much more successful.
This all falls into Ryan’s poor executive functioning. Specifically, time management. Those with ADHD typically have issues with executive functioning. (You can read more about executive functioning in a previous post). ADHDers struggle with understanding the flow of time. They often don’t know how long it takes to get things done, or how long it might take to get somewhere. So putting a method or an aid of some sort in place to help the ADHDer manage their time can help them become successful. Using a physical write in calendar, or using an electronic calendar either on a phone or tablet or laptop that can sink with each other can be helpful. Or maybe even using both, like I do. Sometimes writing things down on a physical calendar can help with memory and then I also add it to my phone which sinks with my computer. Sometimes it will take a bit of experimenting to figure out what works best. But the whole point is to find what does.
So for Ryan, it’s about having enough to do, planning the downtime, and putting it all in his calendar. So that he doesn’t have time for his brain to shut off and go down the rabbit hole of nothingness. There’s nothing worse for an ADHD brain to have nothing purposeful to think about. Because an ADHD brain will fill up with thoughts that aren’t necessarily productive or positive. Ooooh that’s another subject altogether.
“Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.”
–Life on the Mississippi (1883) Mark Twain
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