It’s 2 in the morning and I’m wide awake. I can’t stop thinking about Ryan. Is he doing alright? Is he getting his homework done? Is he getting his homework done? Is he getting his homework done? Is he getting his homework done? I bet he’s not getting his homework done. What if he doesn’t get his homework done? Oh no, he’s going to get behind. How is he going to pass his class? He’ll have to take the class over again. I can’t get back to sleep. I continue to think about Ryan and his class work. Finally, finally, I get back to sleep. Later, when I get up, I start back in on the thoughts of Ryan getting his homework done and the possibility of him failing the class. I automatically go to the worst possible outcome. I tell myself that I need to stop thinking the worst, and then I start thinking about my daughter and begin again to think about an issue about her that’s been bothering me. And what do I do? I go step by step down the road to the worst possible outcome. I don’t know why, but my brain just takes me there..
This is just not worrying. This is called rumination. It is a super intense concentration of negative thoughts that at times can paralyze a person who then has a difficult time shifting or transitioning to a normal state. Surprise, surprise, it’s a very common trait in those with ADHD. Hmmm, I’m not the only person in my family who struggles with this. (Ryan?)
Negative thoughts are captivating for an ADHDer. Those thoughts provide fodder for mental stimulation. That mental stimulation even though it’s negative can give the ADHDer an emotional rush. It’s so much easier for the brain to accept negative thoughts than positive thoughts. Positive thoughts can be fleeting and difficult to hold on to, while there’s no end to the growing negative thoughts. And so the ability to pause and discern the negative thoughts can become near impossible.
With so much negativity that has permeated many ADHDers’ lives, whether socially or educationally, or in professional and relationship situations, it is no wonder that these experiences set the ADHDer on a path of negativity. An example would be that a person has lost numerous jobs for tardiness. They begin to think that they are a horrible person and will never be able to hold down a job. Soon they start to believe that they won’t be given a chance at a job, or a chance at a relationship, etc. because they believe they will never succeed. These negative thoughts begin to permeate their mind. Based on previous experiences, the ADHDers brain begins to thrive on these negative thoughts. They can also ruminate about things that aren’t about them, but a loved one, as in my rumination about Ryan. Past negative experiences take root, and soon, the brain is off and running down a dark path.
If left unchecked, rumination can cause depressive symptoms and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. But like anything else, there are all kinds of strategies that can help. I want to mention first and foremost that if someone has depression, it is important they find a mental health professional as soon as possible for therapy and possible medications However, if you realize that you ruminate and have the wherewithal to admit and realize that you want and need to do something about it, here are some tools and strategies that may help you. Note: Yes, this blog focuses on those with ADHD, but many people also ruminate who don’t have ADHD, so this is for you too.
Take a pause. Take a breath. Then change the channel in your mind
If you are ruminating in the middle of the night, get up, write down the worries and then throw them in the trash
If you have a person of faith, pray
Watch a comedy
Develop positive prompts, comforting phrases, or something you can repeat to yourself
Go outside and move
Sing, dance or play fun music
Identify trigger situations and people ahead of time so you can prepare
Count your blessings
Distract yourself with an activity you love
If you find it difficult to employ a strategy, it can help by talking to a trusted friend, a therapist or a coach who can help you come up with your own strategies and put them into practice.
“Humor is the great thing , the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
-What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us Mark Twain
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