Everyone feels overwhelmed at least once in their lives, whether we’re neurotypical or not. Even as a neurotypical, those overwhelming moments and times can be quite debilitating. They can be difficult to find a way out of and help is often needed to find a way out of those intense moments.
There is a difference however between being overwhelmed and being IN overwhelm. Being overwhelmed is when we often have too much on our plates, or have a lot to accomplish and it’s short lived and momentary. We can often find a way out if we can stop and manage our thoughts, write things down, talk to a friend to get a hold of these feelings, or just get through the overwhelming moment in time, such as when we’ve got a big event or project looming.
Overwhelm though is being overwhelmed on steroids for the ADHD brain. It’s the inability to act or move forward. For instance, when Ryan is juggling too many things, he becomes anxious, unable to make decisions, gets stuck in how to organize and prioritize tasks, and has difficulty managing his emotions. He also becomes hypersensitive to comments and suggestions made by others and struggles to remain calm. This isn’t weakness on his part, it’s his brain wiring.
The ADHDers nervous system is rarely at rest. Stimuli are coming at it in all directions and often the ADHDer is unable to manage all of that stimuli. They are unable to screen that input nor are they able to figure out what input is important and that input isn’t important. So if the ADHDer is trying to manage physical stimuli, emotional stimuli, educational stimuli and internal stimuli, it’s no wonder that things explode and overwhelm sets in. It should be no surprise then that ADHDer might explode and/or completely shut down? Overwhelm is extraordinarily difficult for a neurodivergent brain to manage.
Recognizing the signs of overwhelm can be very helpful in managing it. For Ryan, we often didn’t realize he was in overwhelm until the blow up stage and then we had to walk backwards to figure out what was going on. Now, we try to stay ahead of it and help him to stay below his boiling point. Ryan has also discovered through his college experience with his school coach that carrying a less than full educational load will set him up for better success, and keep him more grounded and able to manage his life better. Taking breaks when working on projects, breaking down tasks in simple chunks, planning his schedule ahead of time and keeping his life as simple as possible has helped him.
For me, when I find myself in overwhelm, I will often shut down. I won’t move forward. I will pick up a book and read for hours, or watch an inordinate amount of television or play computer games. There is nothing I want more than to be left alone and remove myself from reality. I eventually crawl out and face the tasks that I need to accomplish. I feel that my brain just needs to rest and then reset. Other times, I will want to work on a large task, like cleaning up the garage and I walk into the garage, and just stare at it, not knowing where to start, so I just walk back into the house and tell myself that I’m just going to work on it another day. I’m learning to ask for help from my husband to help me decide where to start. I have also learned that writing a to do list and then prioritizing those tasks have helped.. And most importantly, I take a pause and breathe. There’s nothing better than the power of the pause.
If you find yourself in overwhelm, consider using one of the tools above, or maybe find a friend, a loved one or a coach to help you learn how to manage your fabulous brain. And on the flip side, if you live with an ADHDer, be patient, be kind and be a support to them. Ask them if you can help them. Sometimes they may tell you they don’t even know where to begin. But being by their side as they are in overwhelm and processing what they might need, will be a gift to them.
“Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.”. Life on the Mississippi (1883) by Mark Twain
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