All of us humans at one point or another deal with worry. For many, worry doesn’t find a place in the brain and set up residence. For others, worry not only takes residence, but it builds an entire housing project, and when you try to evict it, the worry refuses to leave. If you have ADHD, your struggles with worry can be more pronounced. A lifetime of extra pressures, failures, and hypersensitivities can set up the perfect storm for you. Whether you have ADHD or not, having tools in your toolbox to help manage your worry and stress are paramount to moving forward and being successful in life.
I was attending a webinar the other day about ADHD and some of the disorders that go along with it. The psychologist who was leading the webinar, mentioned something that caught my interest. In fact it caught my interest so much that I then had a hard time focusing on the rest of the webinar because I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea and how I could use this tool for myself. As is often the case, I can get so excited about an experience or idea, that I just have to share it with others. Sometimes my sharing falls flat and I get blank stares because my audience just doesn’t quite get why it’s so meaningful to me, or why I’m so excited by it, or frankly, they simply just don’t get ME. I admit, sometimes I can be a bit much. But, I hope that in my sharing of this particular idea, that someone who reads this will feel that it speaks to them and they will want to try it.
Okay here it is. If you have a difficult relationship with worry, name it. Literally. Give it a name. Treat it like a separate person. Any name will do. Maybe it’s a nemesis from childhood. Maybe the name is of someone from a movie. Maybe it’s the name of a particularly evil spiritual being. Maybe it’s a particular name that you have just never liked. Just don’t name it after your mother or sibling or someone that you work with, or your boss. That would be awkward if someone hears you having a one way conversation with your boss in your office and your boss isn’t there.
When worry overcomes you, talk to it in the third person. My worry’s name is Pisa. Pisa is a play on the name of a nemesis of mine in junior high. Acknowledge its existence. Tell it that it’s not serving you. Tell it to let go of you. Tell it that you are going to pause, take a deep breath and say what you are going to do about it. Tell it to go away. Tell it that it’s not going to derail you today. Tell it that you are bigger than it. Tell it that you are going to talk to a friend to help you get through the things that it’s throwing at you. Tell it that you are going to ignore it. Tell it to shut up. Tell it you’re going to pray. Tell it you’re going to walk away. Tell it that you know you can be successful and brilliant and wonderful without it shouting at you.
You can talk to your worry outloud or to yourself. You can look in a mirror and talk to it. You can write a quick note to it. Whatever will work for you at the moment. Just remember that it’s a one-way conversation. Don’t allow your worry to respond and get a word in. And finally, tell it what you’re going to do about it nagging you. Tell it your plan of action.
Here’s an example of a conversation I had recently with Pisa. “Pisa, you are bothering me today. I don’t like it. You are preventing me from getting things done. The things you are telling me aren’t serving me. You have put me in a situation that I don’t like and I’m through with you today. Some of the things you are telling me, I can’t do anything about. The other things that I can do something about, I promise you, I am taking steps forward to managing those with the help of my family, friends and God. Go away. Leave me alone. I don’t have the bandwidth to manage you and everything else. So, buh bye.”
As you work through your relationship with worry, remember that your unique brain is just that – unique. Others around you may judge you or give you a hard time about your struggle with worry. They may try to tell you not to worry, or that you are not trusting in God, or that you just need to let things go. All this does is make you feel bad about yourself, that there is something wrong with you or you’re weak. Attempt to consider the source and have people around you who you can trust with the knowledge of your inner workings. Find help through friends who will listen, coaches, therapists, teachers or your religious leader.
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