For parents of ADHD Students
(Helping your student use a calendar)
A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance of keeping a calendar and how different calendars can work for you. This blog is about the importance of calendar keeping for students and how parents can help.
Following is a “made up” conversation between a parent and high school or college student:
Mother: “David, when is your assignment due?”
David: “Mom, I don’t know. I think it’s due next week sometime.”
Mother: “Next week, sometime? You’re not sure? What about your math exam? When is that?
David: “I don’t know. I’ve got it written somewhere. But don’t worry. I’ll look at the syllabus. Or the teacher will remind us tomorrow in class. I think I might have it written in my notebook somewhere.”
Mother: “Well, isn’t it written in your calendar? “
David: “I don’t know where my calendar is. And it’s no big deal.”
Mother: “Well, could you please go find out the information now? Don’t you think you should have it in your calendar so it doesn’t sneak up on you and then you’ll have procrastinated?
David: “Fine. I’ll go look it up on the teacher’s webpage. “
A few minutes later……..
David (yelling); “Oh no, the paper is due in two days and the math test is tomorrow! What am I going to do? I don’t have time to study and write a paper, I’ve got other things I need to do!”
Mom (exasperated): “You should have had this written in your calendar! I don’t know why you don’t use your planner!”
How many of us have been the parents of David in the above scene? Most of us probably. Why did/do we as students not use a planner? If left to ourselves, we would find ourselves not getting anything turned in on time or not studying for an exam. Oh, we have every intention of using one. We start out the year with high hopes and find a planner we like, start using it for a little while and then “POOF” we stop. Why? Oh, it takes time to use it. Oh, it’s not interesting or fun to use it. Oh, forgetfulness or procrastination sets in. Oh, the planner I chose isn’t working for me afterall. Or, the bigger kicker, I have never used a calendar.
Well, bottom line, it’s imperative to use some kind of calendar or planner or time keeping system for assignments, tasks, and appointments for students. High school students and college students for sure need a planner, and many middle school students need one as well, especially if the student has ADHD. And guess what? Because the student has ADHD and using a planner is imperative, it is much more difficult for an ADHDer to keep one. Of course!! Weak executive functioning skills such as time management and organization are very common in ADHDers.
As parents, we try to pound it into our students’ brains over and over again – “YOU HAVE TO KEEP A CALENDAR!” Well that isn’t going to work. We can become exasperated and frustrated and so very upset when time and time again, our student “forgets” to work on an assignment because they either don’t have a calendar or haven’t written the assignment in their calendar or planner.. Don’t know what to do? At your wit’s end? All that begging, pleading not working?
You need to get buy-in from your student. And that buy- in requires a conversation. Asking your student how they feel about keeping track of their assignments as well as asking them how they want to use a planner is a great first step in moving them toward using one. Having them start with small steps will help them eventually learn how to manage their time, tasks, assignments and appointments. Just be aware though that it may take a very long time to get to that eventuality.
Once you get the buy-in and you and your student understands and accepts the idea of keeping a calendar, then it’s time to discover what kind of planner/calendar will work for them. Will it be a written calendar or digital? Will it be large or small? Will it be a hybrid of both hand written and digital? Starting out with something simple may be the best, as anything complicated can be overwhelming and then success will be futile. Take your student to any store that has calendars and see what your student gravitates to. You can make suggestions, but remember this is their planner, not yours. What you think may work for you, may not be what works for them. You can also look at Google calendar and other online calendar systems like Monday.com, or do some searching on YouTube for calendars for ADHDers. There’s so much out there that I can’t even begin to tell you all about the different calendar systems. Be prepared to go through at least a few different kinds of calendars. One may work fine for a while and then for whatever reason it won’t. Then you’ll need to go back to the drawing board. Be patient and encouraging.
If you just aren’t able to get you and your student on the same page and you’re just not seeing eye to eye, then maybe consider getting a school counselor, or educational therapist or an ADHD coach (like me – I know, nice plug!) to help collaborate and work with your student to figure all of this out. And start this process when they’re young. The sooner a student learns how to manage their homework, assignments and projects, the better prepared they will be for college and a career. And you can stop nagging them. How nice will that be?
If there’s any students reading this and finding it difficult to keep track of everything and finding it difficult to still get your work done? Next blog is going to be directed at you and how you can manage larger projects and papers and to do lists.
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