One of my most favorite songs of the holiday season is “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, sung by Andy Williams.. Most often, the first time that I hear it during the year, is at Disney’s California Adventure the weekend before Thanksgiving. It’s a wonderful way to kick off the holiday season and it truly puts me in the holiday mood. Happiness and joy fill my soul as I sing it aloud, much to the dismay and horror from my family and friends that surround me. Year after year for the past thirty-ish years I have forced those around me to participate in my silliness. Afterall, whether it’s Disneyland or DCA, it’s the happiest place on earth! At least for those few days I’m there
How long does this feeling of the holidays being the most wonderful time of the year last? For most people I know, not long. The never ending planning, shopping, parties, card addressing, spending time with family, and finishing up year end activities can simply stretch us and send us over the edge well before any holiday actually arrives. And the stress just gets worse the closer one gets to Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years.
The holidays are stressful enough for neurotypicals, but for those who have any form of ADHD, watch out. Holiday time for the neurodivergent is like walking through a minefield. It is a perfect storm for overwhelm, and getting those pesky brain executive functioning skills to work on all cylinders is tricky.
Let’s take a look at what can go wrong for ADHDers in full holiday mode:
You want to send out Christmas cards. You purchase the cards well in advance, maybe even the year before when they went on sale. Now you can’t find where you put them. Or you decide that you want to address them and get them out in the mail right after Thanksgiving. You have every intention of getting them ready to go, but somehow time slips away, and now it’s December first so you decide you’ll get to them this weekend to write them. But something comes up and you didn’t write this task down in your planner. Now it’s December fifteenth. You still think you have plenty of time to get them done, but for some reason you just can’t get yourself motivated to write them. Oh well, you still have a few days to get them done. It’s now December twenty fourth and your cards still haven’t gone out in the mail. Maybe no one will notice or care that they haven’t gotten a card from you yet, so you think that you can get them done the week before New Years. Well, you think that maybe you should just send out New Years cards, but you don’t have any. So you open your computer and go down the rabbit hole of looking at New Years cards that you can buy. That becomes an hour that you have just lost and for heaven’s sake it’s Christmas Eve and you have yet to wrap all the presents for your family because you have been so busy with other things that you just haven’t gotten around to wrapping yet. Oh it’s going to be another late night and who knows how much sleep you’re going to get. Oh just forget it. Noone will get cards this year. At least you’ll have cards for next year!
You have way too many gifts to buy for family and friends. Last year you planned on buying presents throughout the year so that the holiday crush wouldn’t be so overwhelming this year. Well that didn’t work. Here you are one week before Hanukkah or Christmas. Nothing has been bought. The idea of going out shopping is too overwhelming. There’s too many people out. There’s too many distractions, and all the pretty shiny decorations in the stores and all the music just exhausts you physically and mentally. Ah, forget it. You will just buy everything online, don’t think much about it, and get your loved ones things that they may not like. But at least you’ve got something for them or a gift card.
Parties. Everyone loves holiday parties don’t they? But you have to think about what you’re going to wear, what time you have to leave to get there, and then when you do get there, make small talk. Ugh, you hate small talk. You don’t want to go, but you go anyway since you are expected to be there. Most of the time you do enjoy yourself once you get there, but getting there is so difficult. And you never ever get there on time because you haven’t planned anything in advance. Oh and you forgot the host gift and had to go back home to get it which made you even later.
You really do love the holidays, but for goodness sake, you are exhausted!!!
What can be done to manage your life better during the holidays? First, figure out what is truly important to you. Do you really want to send cards? If no, then just don’t do it. Take it off your plate. And don’t feel bad about it or justify it to anyone. Let it go. If it is important to you, then find a way to make it easier on yourself. Order cards online. You can even have the card company address for you, or just send out electronic cards. .
Second, and this takes motivation during the year, which I know is hard, but stay with me here for a moment. Second, when you go shopping during the year, and you see something that a friend or family member might want for a holiday gift, buy it right then and there. When you get home, delegate a specific place where you will put ALL of the gifts you have purchased. Make a note in your phone or in your calendar or tell someone else you can trust where that place is, and who you bought for. This will prevent you trying to figure out where everything is when you get closer to the holidays..
Third, you don’t have to go to every party. Pick and choose which ones you believe are the most important ones and the ones you will most enjoy. Unfortunately, you may have to attend some family gatherings you don’t want to attend, but suck it up. Set up your exit plan before you go. Oh, and can’t figure out what to wear to the party? Set up a notification in your calendar a week before to remind you to find an outfit. Maybe even wear that same outfit to more than one party. It will make the decision making problem go away.
Fourth, utilize help! Ask a friend or your husband/wife, or your older child to help you with tasks and to keep you on schedule.
Fifth, set a date for yourself with a good holiday movie and wrap presents. Make it a party for yourself. Have a favorite beverage ready, and everything you need to wrap those presents. Make it fun!
Sixth,, as you find the tools that work for you, make a holiday planning notebook. Write down the things that worked well for you this year and how you accomplished them and when you accomplished them. Write down a to do list of everything that needs to be done during the holidays. Add pages of a calendar for the months of November and December for this year and next year. Review your planning notebook every day. Add things in as needed After the holidays, find a safe place for it, and make sure that you have kept a note in your phone or on your desk, or tell someone you trust where you have put it. Next year, right after Halloween, pull it out and review it, then plan out all of the taks, events, etc on the calendar.
Finally, breathe and take a pause. Remind yourself of what the holidays are really all about. When you do, ask yourself again what’s really important to you. Let go of the things that don’t resonate with you and embrace the things that do. My hope for you is that you can make the best of your holidays and enjoy them thoroughly! Happy Holidays to one and all!
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