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Hope – Revisited

Without hope, one is lost. Without hope, you don’t want to go on. Without hope, you are surrounded by darkness. Hope encourages you to take another step, it gives you strength, it gives you purpose.

I’ve recently noticed in reading others blogs about their struggles with their children and themselves, that they are very dark and full of hopelessness. It truly saddens me. Personally, when I’m in a hopeless state, I tend not to write for others, but for my eyes only. I understand what hopelessness can feel like, when there seems to be no end in sight, but I hope by shedding some light on my own experience in finding hope that it can help others.

Raising Ryan has had its extreme ups and downs, even those extreme ups and downs occurring numerous times in one week. When Ryan was first diagnosed, that was the first of many dark times. The road ahead was going to be extremely difficult and long with no end, literally. It was going to be a lifelong endeavor. We (my husband and I) spent hours talking to others, doing research, talking to therapists, doctors, educators and other parents. And we still do. Sometimes, I felt like running away. I wanted to give up. I wanted to go crawl under the covers and not be a mom anymore. Honestly, I had little hope that Ryan, as well as the rest of our family, would have a normal life.

All those feelings I mentioned above? Oh I have felt them over and over again. And, when things are going well, I tend to think, when is the next shoe going to drop? Because, you know what? It always does. Sometimes, the shoe that drops is not that big of a deal, and sometimes it is a big deal. And my automatic jump to a conclusion that it’s something bad, is almost always the case, because of past history. I’ve had to work really hard to hold my mind back from going to the worst case scenario. It is a constant battle. (This little side note to my siblings who read this: yes I am still that worry wart I was when I was a kid!) But the one thing that always comes in to halt me from falling “off the edge” is hope.

How do I find this hope? First, is my faith in God. For me personally this is my number one. When all seems to be lost, I pray. And when I pray I do my best to give all my worries to God. Second, gratitude. I try to find one thing – and I really mean one thing that I am grateful for. When you’re in the middle of going through despair, it can be difficult to find even one thing. It can even be as simple as being thankful that the sun came up today or that you had a cup of coffee. And then I build on that one thing and try to add nine more. I try to practice this every day. Third, I thank God for the gift of my children. I thank God every day for Ryan. This gift has made me a stronger woman, a stronger mother, and a proponent for others. Fourth, talking to others who have a child like mine. There’s strength and hope in others who are going through similar experiences. Fifth, coaching and therapy. Sharing with a nonjudgmental professional has helped give me the tools I have needed to thrive. Sixth, medication. Medication has helped me in the past get through the roughest patches of depression and anxiety. Medication took the edge off and helped me get the clarity and pause that I needed. Seventh, helping others. I found various things to do that gave back to my community. Writing this blog is one. Becoming an ADHD coach is another. Just being a support for others has helped me feel good about myself and brought me joy when others tell me that I have helped them. Eighth, exercise. Sometimes the last thing that I have wanted to do is exercise. But when I do, it has done wonders for my brain, as well as my body. The natural effect of exercise raises dopamine and serotonin. It helps me be happier, and gives my brain clarity. I can focus better (exercise is proven to help those with ADHD) Even just taking a walk around the block can help. And last, but not least is respite. I have given myself permission to take time off for myself. When Ryan was younger, this meant having lunch with a friend or taking an hour just to go to the bookstore by myself. Even now, when Ryan is far from home and difficulties arise, I will often take time out and do something that I love to do just for me. It often just gives me the time out, to reset and once again clears my head so that hope can be reborn.

Spring is a time of rebirth. Celebrate it! Chag Pesach Sameach to my Jewish family and friends, and Happy Easter to my Christian family and friends!

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