Does this sound and look like your life?:
“Mom, I can’t find my book!”
“Honey, you need to pay the bill now!”
“Mom, I left my lunch at home!”
“Oh for goodness sake, my car needs gas!”
“I’m sick, please call the doctor!”………
……..I need to call the pharmacy for a refill for my son’s meds. I need to pick up the dry cleaning today. The dogs need to be fed. I need to figure out what’s for dinner. My mother calls and needs help fixing a broken door handle. I leave tomorrow for a trip and have yet to think about packing. I have to go to the bank, go to the grocery store, go to the pharmacy, go get my nails done, and make a dentist appointment. Oh, and did I mention that my dog has diarrhea and I need to take him to the vet? And my friend just called and has a flat tire and wants to know if I can take her to the bookstore. My husband called shortly after and told me that he can’t pick up the certified letter at the post office during his lunch hour, so can I please go pick it up? I have real work to get done too. How am I going to get it all done? I get another call from my son, then my daughter, then my husband, but I don’t answer……
“Calgon, take me away!” (If you don’t know this statement, look it up!) I just can’t do any more. I wear so many hats. But, it seems like today, the only hat I am wearing is a firefighters hat. Make it stop! For all that is holy, make it stop! There’s too much drama in my life. I cannot think clearly. I don’t know what step to take next. There’s always a fire to put out. Wait, it’s more like spot fires all over the forest floor. If I don’t put them out, then the whole forest, (my life) is just going to completely go up in flames! My emotions, my brain, and my nervous system cannot go on.
You can make the above fit anyone’s life at certain times. The one I described has been mine at times as a wife, mother, daughter and friend. But anyone can relate as I’m sure most people have had those days and even weeks when EVERYTHING is important, urgent and emergent. Are you a student that has ADHD and has numerous assignments overdue, or papers to write and finals to study for? Or are you an employee who has multiple reports to write, and the boss is asking for you to do one more thing, and your co-worker has just asked you for help on a project, and you get a call from your kid’s school because your kid is sick? Do you then just go into your office, shut the door and watch TikTok?
How do you manage your life when it goes sideways? And if you’re neurodivergent, it can be so much more difficult to get through it unscathed. Literal shut down and overwhelm can happen and then where do you find yourself? Do you crawl into bed, play games, continuously scroll through social media, or do anything that removes you from the chaos like shutting your office door and screaming?
It would be so helpful if we could just plan ahead and be prepared when life throws us a curveball, wouldn’t it? We can’t know every morning when we get up what the day will bring. But there are some lessons and tools we can employ when they do. And knowing ourselves and what may tip us over can be useful. It just takes a little self reflection and planning. Easy, right? Well, yes it can be, but you have to find the time to figure it out.
If you’re still reading this, then maybe now is a good time to think about it. How would it feel if you just took five or ten minutes when you’re done here and figure out a few “fire prevention” strategies.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
When you get up in the morning, write and/or review your to do list for the day. Place a star next to the ones that are critical to do that day.
Leave time open in your day for urgent things. If you don’t use that time, then you can use that time as relaxation time.
Learn how to say no. You don’t have to do everything. If someone else can do it, then ask. If you don’t have time, then say so, And keep your reason simple. You don’t have to explain why you can’t do it. That will just take more energy than you have.
Take a deep breath when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Hitting that pause button for just a moment can help reset your mind.
Take a 5-10 minute break. Take a quick walk or sit and pray, breathe or meditate, or read.
Ask for help from your children, your partner, your friends.
Let Calgon take you away. Have a warm shower or bath.
Put your phone on Do Not Disturb except for the critical people in your life.
Try not to overschedule yourself. You will have more time in your day for those pesky emergencies that arise.
Have a good cry. Yes, it can be exhausting, but oh so cleansing.
When all is said and done, everyone has those critical fire burning days. If you have ADHD though, those days can derail you more than neurotypicals. Get out your tool box and try adding some of the above strategies, or use any that have worked for you in the past. Just remember though that if and when you lose your poop, and can’t seem to stamp out those darn flames, be compassionate and forgiving of yourself. Afterall, you’re practicing and learning what tools will work and which ones won’t. And be like Smokey Bear: “Only you can prevent forest fires!” Well, that may be true in the real forest but not so true in everyday life. The threat is real!
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