….or overwhelm.
Growing up, most of us didn’t have or need to make decisions. Most of our decisions were, “What am I going to eat first, my cookie or my sandwich?”, or “What crayon colors am I going to use to color this picture?” As we get older, we believe that we can’t wait to be an adult. Noone will tell us what to do, where to go, how to behave, what to eat, what time to go to bed. How awesome it will be to do what we want, when we want to. Hmmmm, and then guess what actually happens? We grow up. And making decisions for everything is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Right now, just think about all the daily decisions you have to make about you personally – what to wear , what to eat, bathing, etc. You know, those things just to keep you alive. Add to that all the decisions you need to make about your education, your home, your partner or spouse, your work, your children (if you have any), your future, your car, your parents, your finances, your pets, your health etc. Add to that your free time and fun and vacation time.. Now, add to that ADHD. That ADHD has just added another layer of decisions and the difficulties in making them.
If you are an adult, decisions come at you all the time, constantly, 24/7. You can’t get away from it. I’m sure you feel overwhelmed at times about what to do and how to do it. Whatever it is. You may even break down and yell – “I’m done, I can’t make any more decisions today. Good night. Good luck. But, if you are neurodivergent, these feelings of overwhelm and overload come more quickly and are more pronounced and cause complete shut down.
Shut down; the inability to take a single step forward is a common occurrence. Often, the ADHDer can’t even begin to think about what their options are. If asked what they want to do or which direction they want to go, or what they want to do next, the answer is so often, “I have no idea. I’m exhausted and can’t even think about what to do.” They can become completely stuck and anxious and frustrated. Often, they are so frozen with what to do, they will literally stop doing anything except what they find soothing. That can be anything from reading a book, playing video games, watching movies, over eating, or even scrolling through social media for hours on end. Because you know, that is mindless.
I have seen this in just about every ADHDer I have come in contact with, from Ryan to almost all of my clients that I coach, and even myself.
How can the spell of decision overload be broken? Here’s a few ideas:
Communicate with a loved one, parent or friend and tell them what you’re experiencing.
Ask for help. Again a loved one, parent, friend, coach, teacher or therapist. Getting someone else’s input and perspective can help you logically plan and talk out the decision possibilities. This can help to become unstuck.
Take a break. Exercise or take a walk to clear your head
Brain dump. Just write everything that’s going on in your head over the decisions you need to make, as well as everything you’re feeling.
When you get to the point of “you have just had enough” acknowledge it. Tell yourself, “Yup, I need break!” and be mindful of what that break will look like instead of crawling into your bed for hours. Try to put a limit on that break. Maybe use an alarm or timer.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you need to make the decision right now? If you don’t, sit on it for a while and think about it later when you have a clearer head..
If you need to make a decision immediately, still – take a breath and take a momentary pause, (unless it’s life or death!) just so you can slow your brain down a bit. If you still struggle with an answer, ask for more time, or call someone whom you trust.
Accept your unique brain wiring. So often we compare ourselves to others and wonder why we can’t be “normal” (whatever that means!). You are who you are and this just may be one of your “things” that makes you different. That’s okay.
Next time you get decision making overload, try one of the ideas above. Or maybe ask yourself what you think may work for you? If you come up with other ideas, I’d love to hear about them. Now I need to make some decisions about what I’m going to do this weekend. Nope, I’m going to do some fun reading for awhile. Thirty minutes ought to do it. Putting the timer on now…….
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