My to-do list is a mile long. Every time I cross one thing out, I add 3 more things to do.
My friends are going out to dinner tonight and I want to go. But I have a million things to do. If I go, I won’t get anything done. But I don’t want to miss out.
I have to take the kids to all of their activities, and help in their classroom, and work full time, and clean the house, and make dinner. Oh and I forgot, I have to take my own mother to the doctor’s.
I’ve procrastinated in getting my homework done, but I have a club meeting, and then I have a meeting with my advisor, and then I have an application to fill out for an internship. I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t think I can get anything done. I’ll just watch a movie instead.
I have so much to do that I’m not getting enough sleep. I stay up working on things, and then it’s late and I can’t get to sleep because all I can think about is all of the tasks I left unfinished.
Yes, I’ll go to the mall with you. Yes, I’ll join the committee, it sounds like fun. Yes, I can take one more class since I have that evening free.
But, my kid wants to sing in the choir, and take gymnastics, and be in student government and play basketball, and take piano lessons. How can I say no? But I’m overwhelmed just having to think about taking them everywhere. And now we don’t have very much family time, and they’re cranky and struggling getting enough sleep, because they also have to do their homework.
Oh no, I have ADHD, and I just literally do not have any brain power left to get anything done. What am I going to do?
It’s hard enough being neurotypical and trying to maintain a balanced and not too busy life. When you add ADHD to the mix, is it any wonder that the ADHDer can’t keep up, can’t manage their time, and then constantly finds themselves in overwhelm?
Our society puts value on people who are accomplished. From the student who has many extracurricular activities and a 4.0 plus GPA, to the mother who runs a business, and volunteers for numerous organizations and is raising well adjusted children, to the entrepreneur who seems to be everywhere all at once and seems to have it all.
The problems arise when we neurodivergents try to do and be it all. And we are so used to being in overwhelm, that we don’t know what it’s like to not be in it. Why do we do that? Because we want to be like everyone else. We want others to see us as being successful like everyone else. Guess what? We aren’t like everyone else.
I do not write this to be judgmental or to wag my finger at you. I write this to give support, to bring some light on the subject, to tell you that you don’t have to do it all. And this blog is more of an overwhelm prevention, not how to deal with it once you’re in it.
You don’t have to be and do it all. You can take the steps to slow down. You can be the author of your own overwhelm – that you can change things so that you don’t have to be in overwhelm all the time. Grant it, there will be times through no fault of your own that you will be in overwhelm due to outside forces. But – you have the power to manage many things in your life to minimize it and keep it in check.
Take a step back and look at your life and what you have on your plate or on your to do list that you simply don’t need to do. Maybe right now there’s not much you can take off. But how about going forward? Asking yourself the hard questions like “Should I add one more activity to my schedule or to my kid’s schedule?” “What else can I get rid of that isn’t serving me? “ Learning how to say no, with NO explanation or excuses, unless you feel the need to educate someone about how your unique brain works. Learning how to be kind to yourself and giving yourself permission to not be everywhere all at once. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the rest and space you need to be the best version of you. Accept that the rat race was maybe not meant for you. Allow yourself to free up your time a bit, so that when something comes up that you truly have an interest in doing, you have the space to do it.
And for goodness sake, get some sleep. You know how important sleep is. It’s simply a basic need. How do you expect to be at 100% without it? And the ADHD brain and sleep? It needs a lot of it. Hmmm, on that note, I think I feel a nap coming on. Napping is good. I’ve got a lot on my to do list, but my brain and body need a break……
“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
-Mark Twain
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