I forgot to pay my phone bill, now I have late fees
I forgot to pay my electric bill. Now my electricity has been turned off and I have to pay extra fees to have it turned back on.
I forgot to turn in my assignment. Now my professor will only give me partial credit or no credit at all
I stayed up all night to study for my final because I hadn’t even started to study for it. Now I’ve had no sleep and don’t think I’ll pass the final because I’m so tired.
I have spent so much money on gaming. I had no idea how much I spent until I tried to get money out of the ATM and there was nothing left in my account.
My husband asked me to fill out the bank form, and I keep on forgetting or putting it off and now he’s mad at me because I continue to promise things and can never follow through.
My taxes are due? Where did the time go? Oh no, I’m going to lose sleep over this too. And then I’m going to have to pay a late fee. And my wife is going to yell at me and not talk to me.
My boss is fed up with me for not getting those reports in again. I’ve been written up twice already. This time, I will be fired. My ADHD is out of control. I need help!!!
ADHD is costing the above person/people more time, more money, and more problems with their significant other, and now it’s cost them their job. This phenomenon is known as the ADHD tax. That tax is not only monetary, but educational, emotional and mental. And maybe most importantly, it can cost many ADHDers their relationships.
I have yet to meet someone with ADHD who doesn’t suffer from some kind of ADHD tax. And each one of those people struggle with it in different ways. Many like Ryan have struggled with the tax in every aspect of their life. And although some of the above statements have come directly from Ryan, he has learned some tools and found supports to help him prevent that ADHD tax.
Poor executive functioning is one very big cause of the ADHD tax. The inability to be organized, manage time, initiate tasks, as well as having poor working memory all play a part. And of course having little to no interest to work on certain tasks is a key trait of those with ADHD. If the ADHDer doesn’t learn to manage their executive functioning issues, then there can be long lasting effects from these issues arising over and over again. And then you have mental health issues of the ADHDer feeling like they can’t do anything right. It can set them up for anxiety and depression.
Identifying and diagnosing ADHD is so important. The earlier it’s recognized, the sooner treatment, therapy and coaching can begin. Learning about the ADHDers strengths, values and areas of needed executive functioning support will set up the ADHDer for success.
For Ryan, and many other ADHDers, it takes time to uncover areas where support may be needed. New issues have arisen as he has matured and learned how to be a responsible adult in more areas of his life. Some tools that Ryan has used are using notes and reminders in his phone, using timers, and using written as well as his phone calendar. Of course using an academic coach has been invaluable for him. Without his coach, he’d definitely not be successful in college. (Thanks, Jade!) Things still occasionally fall between the cracks and life isn’t perfect, and at times, old tools no longer work, and new ones need to be discovered. But at least he’s on the right track.
Naturally, Ryan’s dad and I are also one of Ryan’s support systems. We help him manage his finances, we remind him to watch his funds, as well as remind him when things are due.
Finding supports and other systems can be invaluable for adults with ADHD. One of the best tools available now is automatic bill payment. This is one of the best tools that have become available for those with ADHD. I also know a woman who uses a financial advisor who gives her a weekly allowance. She simply cannot manage her money. This is wonderful for someone who can afford to do that. But if she didn’t have this advisor, she may not have any money at all. So the payoff is to her benefit, financially and mentally.
In regards to relationships, the ADHD tax can be large. The awareness that an ADHDer has about their issues and the willingness to share their issues with their partners and employers is paramount to their success. Understanding that they may need extra support and tools to help them be successful is a great step in becoming a more present partner and good employee. This should never be viewed as a weakness. It is a strength to admit their struggles and be a self advocate. This will help them find the help and tools they need to be successful.
“The only certainties in life are death and taxes”
Mark Twain
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